She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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