Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
