just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
