forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
