did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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