Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
