I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
