I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
