I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
