I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We need a shit load of segways right now
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
