That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
