Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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