i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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