Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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