don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
