before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
