I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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