eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
