I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
farters have to be the big spoon...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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