sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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