This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
