so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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