if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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