Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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