I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
