After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
