I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
