Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
