all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
