Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
