If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
