Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
