Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
