im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
