life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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