no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I will pee on everything he values.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
