i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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