guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
