I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
