TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
