just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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