So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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