I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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