I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
