My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
