I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
