After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
