I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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