I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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