just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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