I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
