creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
