Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think I won the penis lottery.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
