Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
