i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
