This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
