Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
