I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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