PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
