dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
