My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
