I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
