dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize