The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
