This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
