the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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