Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
