I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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