i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
