Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
