I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
