i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
